Jurassic World: Rebirth (2025)

"Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."

How many times has that infamous Dr. Ian Malcolm line been trotted out since the release of Steven Spielberg's mammoth 1993 dinosaur blockbuster? In some ways the quote- which is taken directly from Michael Crichton's 1990 novel and used in Spielberg's film- could have been attributed to Spielberg himself in the process of adapting Jurassic Park.

But of course, it made a truckload of money, and - more importantly - remains one of the greatest blockbusters ever released, justifying Spielberg's work and perhaps proving that he had indeed thought about whether or not he should.

Whether he needed to follow it up with The Lost World: Jurassic Park in 1997 (an adaptation of Crichton's own sequel novel) is still up for debate; and although far from terrible, lacks all the originality and surprise of the original. You could say the same about Jurassic Park III (2001) which although pointless, is mercifully short.

When the franchise was rebooted with Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard in Jurassic World (2015), it sort of made sense- the film was being released to a whole new generation of dinosaur lovers and made a shit ton of cash- much like Star Wars: The Force Awakens did in the same year. Rebooting a huge franchise by essentially remaking the original film with different characters worked- the idea being it would spark a brand new trilogy of films (and money), which both did.

Jurassic Park: Fallen Kingdom (2018) was absolutely appalling, spending over two hours going from point A to point A, and not quickly. This was followed by the biblically long Jurassic Park: Dominion (2022) which although far better than its predecessor, was still utterly redundant and stretched the series to absolute breaking point.

Not financially though- oh no.

So when I ask the question what the fuck is Jurassic World: Rebirth and why does it exist, I already know the answer to the second question.

At least when Alien: Resurrection, for example, was released (ironically in the same year as The Lost World) you could see the ideas, and some interesting ones at that-. Jean-Pierre Jeunet's film attempted to delve into new territory and although his film was deeply flawed, he attempted to drive the Alien franchise into new places and provide the audience with real terror and genuine jeopardy.

Jurassic World: Rebirth- directed by the extremely solid Gareth Edwards- attempts absolutely none of this.

Scarlett Johansson's Zora Bennett is persuaded/ forced by Rupert Friend's Martin Krebs to lead a team of skilled operatives to the most dangerous place on earth- an island research facility for the original Jurassic Park. Well we know it's dangerous, and so really should everyone else after six films worth of mayhem.

But that doesn't matter- because apparently now you can harvest dinosaur DNA for a potentially life saving heart disease treatment, of course. So they head off to get some, and there's a fairly decent boat sequence as they approach the island which is sort of fun- and they come across a family that have been shipwrecked by a dinosaur as they boat around the island. That's where the good stuff ends.

Beyond that, you could argue, you get another Jurassic Park film. Which presumably is why you're going. But there's nothing remotely interesting going on here; everything is so telegraphed to the point where the camera actually starts zooming in on signs to quite literally tell you what's about to happen. There's no jeopardy whatsoever, not even a high death count, which would at the very least give you something to sink your teeth into.

All the actors are more than capable and they all do their best with what they're given. But what they're working with is so mundane, so redundant that you stop caring very early on and start waiting for something new or inventive to take place within a franchise that is now just repeating itself over and over to the point where no-one seems to care about what they're actually churning out because it's simply about the money.

And in that sense I suppose it's successful because it will undoubtedly make an absolute bomb. But that bomb now needs be turned on the franchise itself.

Edwards especially seems hampered. There's nothing wrong with his directing here, but this is someone who made the terrific minimalist (sort of) creature feature Monsters (2010) and backed up that promise by handling Godzilla (2014), a really impressive reboot; both films focusing on the intricate details and characters rather than the monsters themselves.

Here he can't do that so much, because of the franchise and the studio's demands- and it shows.

Is this really what we've come to? Because Fallen Kingdom really should have had people falling asleep in the isles and swearing no, not again- that's it- but apparently not because they then went to Dominion in their droves. So I guess that's going to happen again here, and I'll be having the same moan when Jurassic Park 8 hits theaters in a few years.

But come on- if you are going to make another, you can do so much better than this. Stop inventing hybrid dinosaurs, stop repeating different iterations of the same characters, same set pieces, same boring plot lines and bring us some interesting reasoning behind whatever is going on on screen. If you want to see another Jurassic Park film, that's fine. But why would you want to watch exactly the same thing happening over and over when you could simply go back and re-watch Spielberg's original? Or better still, go and read the original Crichton novels, which you almost certainly haven't?

Ah, because that means you might have to use your brain, even if just a little. Ah, reading is too much effort. You can't just sit there, slack jawed, and watch the same thing because you don't have to think. You just want to 'have fun' and what's wrong with that?

Nothing, but if you're that stupid, then you're not going to notice if interesting things are happening on screen, you'll react in the same way. So why not encourage the film makers to, at the very least, make something more palatable and invigorating than churning out the same drivel over and over?

"Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."

Well, film makers now clearly don't have to worry about either of these things when it comes to the Jurassic Park franchise. So they don't. And judging by the money the franchise continues to make, nor does anyone else.

So, maybe I should make the effort not to either I suppose. 3.9/10