Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

The opening prelude to the fifth installment of the Indiana Jones franchise is desperately dull. In theory, it does exactly what you'd expect of a Dr. Jones outing; it's a flashback to the final days of World War II featuring a de-aged Harrison Ford, a colleague named Basil Shaw (Toby Jones, thoroughly enjoying himself) and future big bad Nazi astrophysicist Jurgen Voller (a de-aged Mads Mikkelson). Jones is looking for the Lance of something or other on a train full of Nazis, and comes across half of Archimede's Dial instead (based on a genuine Greek artifact) which we learn in the hands of the wrong sort of lunatic can do terrible things with time itself. So, we have the usual mad chase across various sections of a train- above it, below it, whatever. The problem is, the use of CGI is so obvious, it takes away any sort of real jeopardy we once had from the franchise. Nothing looks real, everything just looks digitalized, and all the stunts are just perplexingly boring. It might well be the way things are going, but considering Dial of Destiny was released in the very same summer as a blockbuster that proved a train chase could be done with staggering effect (Mission Impossible - Dead Reckoning) it makes this even more disappointing. Many reviews of Indy's latest (and possibly last) outing had me very much looking forward to it, with promises of an enjoyable romp and indulgent nostalgia despite its hefty run time, but I sat there slack-jawed with dismay during the opening sequence at something that really should have been fun but just looked like something a computer had produced. Well, sort of because it was. Sadly, the opening half of Dial of Destiny is really quite turgid. The film fast forwards to 1969 where Indy has become an old grouch living in an apartment having recently split from Marion after their son Mutt (remember him?) is killed in the Vietnam War. This is only really vaguely referenced, but it does induce the best thing about the film; Harrison Ford's performance. You couldn't imagine anyone else in the role, and when the series threatened to have Shia LaBeouf's Mutt continue as the star after the fairly shoddy Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) there was clamor abound. Thankfully it's Ford who, fifteen years on from being called too old to play Jones, rekindles the bond between character and audience. The de-aging is still something that needs to be perfected, but Ford is on fine form and at the very least gives you reason to continue watching. You believe in Indiana Jones. Phoebe Waller-Bridge is supposed to be Indy's Goddaughter Helena, but essentially plays Fleabag for the first half of the film, and is preposterously irritating in doing so. Happily events conspire to form a much more toned down Helena in the second half; Waller-Bridge is much the better for it and you slowly warm to her, as she impressively performs a convincing character arc. The film isn't all dreadful, there are some engaging set pieces but when so much of it is digitalized you yearn for the real life stunts and hard hitting fights in the original three films. Thankfully there isn't anything quite so appalling here as the wretchedly lamentable chase through the jungle in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It was rather amusing when people accused Kingdom of the Crystal Skull of becoming ludicrous in its final quarter and engaging in subject matter that simply wasn't believable- Indy has previously chased down the Ark of the Covenant amongst other things- and one would imagine that those same people will find dreadful fault with the ending of this as well. Far from being the film's biggest crime, Dial of Destiny's finale is almost admirable in its lunacy and although it doesn't have the strength of its convictions (curtailing to an eventual ending that simply has to come about) it's quite funny, and I think, to a point, deliberately so. There was absolutely no need for a fifth Indiana Jones film, just like there was no need for a fourth- and although this is arguably no better or worse than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, that's about as far as you can get from an endorsement. If you found things to like about Crystal Skull, you'll certainly find things to latch onto here; if you hated Crystal Skull it's likely you'll dismiss this as well. There will be plenty (like me) who love Harrison Ford and will watch him in anything, and with the brilliant Mads Mikkelson, the lovable Toby Jones and the hugely talented Phoebe Waller-Bridge all on board here, you might be fooled into thinking this is the Indy adventure we've been waiting decades for. But it's not, and despite Harrison Ford's best efforts, this really has to stop now. 4.5/10